"This is their worst league start for 65 million years..."

We have a winner!  The Most Tedious Period in the Football Calendar award can finally, unquestionably be given to this September-October quagmire.

We've got mass media outlets composing league tables - accompanied by headlines such as 'Cardiff go top with win' - after only two games.  You have the meaningless and sparsely-attended early group-stage matches in both (now-indistinguishable) European cups.  There's also not just one but two international weekends to grind through, stymying any attempts by clubs to build early-season momentum.

But the straw that has broken this old goat's back, that makes him want to trample broadcasters far and wide, is that oh-so-familiar line: "This is X's best/worst start for Y years!"

This phrase plagues September and October.  It must be stopped.  We must rally, get a petition going, bombard the BBC with complaints - make them apologise.  Whatever it takes to get the media to actually do some work and fish up some real statistics.

Who defines the word 'start'?  It's a lovely, fluid concept that stretches from about game number 3 out to what feels like Christmas and the halfway mark, and allows the media to frame any particular three-game run as reflective of that team's entire season.

 For example, in the 2010/11 season, Stoke City had 12 points from 9 games.   It was very ominous; "Stoke's worst-ever start [out of three attempts] to a Premier League season."

Stoke City then won three on the bounce and, after 12 games, had 21 points.  Without a hint of irony or a shred of shame the BBC's preview of the next fixture read: "Stoke have enjoyed their best-ever start to a Premier League season."   Some bloody nerve eh!

We need a government-imposed rule on the precise length of a 'start' to a season - say, 8 games.  Then you've got a real statistic on your hands and, what's more, we can all stop talking about it nice and early in the season.

I know, I know, it may seem like a triviality; I should go back to pontificating about the dying art of tackling or the worldwide refereeing conspiracy to favour Man United.  Well, I will - but this really needed highlighting.

If these media companies would have you and I believe that statistics dictate all within football, they could at least have the decency to use proper statistics.  We shouldn't just be swallowing whatever groundless garbage they conjure up to suit the occasion.

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Photo credit: stringberd