Rangers centre-half McCulloch's 'surprise' hat-tricks

Rangers manager Ally McCoist has clearly had a brainwave.  Following centre-half Lee McCulloch’s two successive League One hat-tricks in recent weeks, the Glasgow club have gone hunting for former Hearts captain Marius Zaliukas on a free transfer; the more centre-halves, the merrier.

To be sure, Zaliukas’ record of 14 goals in 200-odd appearances for the Jambos doesn’t scream “free-scoring”,  but I’m sure McCoist will have some brusque, reckless attacking tactic up his sleeve to turn that stat around – the sort of tactic that only a outrageously underpunished, out-of-place ‘big’ club could make while taking a few years’ holiday in the lower leagues.

Of course, the fact that McCulloch spent a great chunk of his career as an attacking player might give him an edge over Zaliukas in the goalscoring stakes.  These hat-tricks against Arbroath and East Fife are hardly on the same level of absurdity as, say, Paul McShane or Mamady Sidibe hitting three in one game – despite being the first of his professional career.  It isn’t that long since he last donned his shooting boots.  Just look and listen at this video:

 

Mind you, centre-back or not, if McCulloch is going to insist on galloping off up the field bagging hat-tricks then you can’t blame McCoist for wanting some cover.  Never mind all the defenders already on their books, the new signing Milel Bohsni, as well as Boris Pandža – a Bosnian international defender in talks with the club.

Rangers’ year-long transfer embargo was recently lifted, you know.  Really itching for their fix aren’t they.

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Photo Credit: Alasdair Middleton

Top Bloke of the Season, Nominee A: Martin Atkinson

Thank you, Martin Atkinson, for refusing to believe that Paolo Di Canio could possibly have any grasp of sarcasm, and for fully exploiting the opportunity to send him to the stands.

Di Canio so often thinks himself the smartest person in the room - or stadium - but this was happily exposed as a fantasy through Mr Atkinson's beautiful refusal to indulge the Italian's childishness.

Given the ceaseless torrent of abuse we all send the way of  match officials, it's only right to not to overlook an opportunity to take your hat off to them in congratulation of a job well done.  I take back everything - mostly everything - I must have bellowed at you from the terraces over the years.  Until next time, of course.

Martin Atkinson.  Top bloke.

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Photo credit: Кондратенко Наталия

So glad to see Eto'o

Over the years, Samuel Eto'o really has made quite the impression on me.  It is therefore a pleasure not only to finally welcome him to the Premier League, but to see him reunited with a manager who brought out his best quality to the full.

Here's to seeing more of this every weekend this year.

Still, at least the Eto'o and Co. Amateur Dramatics Society will provide some relief from other nauseating focal points of the highlights reels - they just won't be able to squeeze it all in.

We should be grateful, in fact.  With Alan Hansen's sage wisdom finally fading away and the likes of Adebayor and Bale no longer there to grace our screens, smiling in disbelief at their failure to con their way to a free-kick, it was looking like it might just be the Paolo Di Canio Paranoia Extravaganza this year.

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Photo Credit: Tommy Klumker